This will surprise no one but date night is my favorite night of the week. When I have one on the calendar, I think about it all day. From the moment I wake up to the second the date starts, I’m anticipating it, preparing for it and counting down the minutes until Lumberjack and I are together, drink in hand. Why? Because it’s a moment in the week (or month) when it’s just you two. When you can feel connected again and desired. When you can remember why you picked him all those years ago and remind him of the same. It’s a 4 hour, adults-only vacation. Sound dramatic? Maybe. But that’s how I see it. I anticipate it like a vacation. I prepare for it like a vacation. And I enjoy the hell out of it like a vacation.
Here’s the thing…date nights give me everything I need to feel my sexiest and to really adopt the idea that my husband and I are still dating, if only for a night. And there’s magic in that. There is. Because when I’m wiping runny noses, and running to pick-ups and drop-offs and forgetting to shower and just living life, I loose myself and I loose the “us” that keeps him and I connected. And if I don’t schedule date nights, then that loss just gets deeper and deeper and frankly, that’s a lonely place for me to be. And while I love being alone, I don’t handle lonely well.
And I know it’s not just me. Every time a friend or client tells me that they feel really disconnected from their spouse or that they’re fighting or they haven’t had sex in weeks, I always ask the same question: when was your last date night? And they always have the same answer: a really long time ago. Boom.
So…how do you take your date nights from ho-hum to holy crap? Lots of ways. Here are a few of my favorites:
The element of surprise: Instead of having your standard Saturday night date, plan a surprise one. Call or text him that morning and tell him to meet you out or to run home and change. Book the sitter, pick a place and tell him it’s on. He will think it’s super hot that you made the effort to want to be with him and the element of surprise brings a newness and novelty to your routine that always amps up the sexy quotient.
Get his name tattooed on your body: No, not for real. I’m talking about faux ink. My makeup artist does this with all her brides on their wedding days and I thought, “brilliant date night move!”. Take a sharpie or some waterproof black liner and write his name somewhere special. Hips, side boob, stomach…anywhere you can picture him kissing you. Then reveal it when the time is right and watch his eyes light up with surprise and desire. You will be tapping into some very latent, evolutionary needs for ownership and it will spark some very hot “man i need that woman right now” feelings. Watch. So sexy. So simple.
Start flirting BEFORE the date: I flirt with my husband constantly. But when it’s a date night, I really lay it on thick. I will send him a little text in the morning (even if it’s a weekend and he’s standing across the kitchen island from me) with a little hint as to what’s to come. Leave a printout of a new sex position on his wallet with a “wanna try this tonight?” note. Or if you’re feeling bold, send him a hot sext to build anticipation for the night ahead. And that’s the key here: build anticipation. Why? Because it’s an aphrodisiac and it’s almost essential to hot sex. The more you can think about the possibilities of the date, the more hot and bothered you’ll both get and the hotter the final payoff. Anticipation is magic and flirting beforehand is a great way to build it up.
Spend time getting ready: I know life is crazy and we all have kids and nutty schedules. But…if you can find time to really ready yourself for the date, you’ll feel WAY sexier and that sexiness will seep out of you in a stream of sultry pheromones that will be sure to get both his and your blood pumping. I’m not saying you need to take hours to get dressed. I’m just saying spend some time doing whatever you need to do to feel your sexiest. Before my date nights, I make the sitter come over earlier so I can selfishly ensconce myself in my room. I spend time on my hair. I spend time on my makeup. I make myself feel beautiful. And when I feel beautiful…well, it’s on.
Lingerie: Men are visual. It’s why (most) men love lingerie. Really sexy lingerie is not made for everyday. It’s made for special occasions. And date night is one of them. You’ve got 2 ways to go here…1) wear something sexy underneath your clothes and tease him that it’s there (you can even invite him into the restaurant bathroom to take a look) or 2) save it for when you get home and tell him to meet you upstairs in 5 minutes. Either one is a great call. Either one needs to become a standard part of your date night routine. I promise it will make you feel sexy as all hell and it will make his eyes pop out of his head. Both are what you’re going for in an “amp up your date night” situation.
Amping up date night doesn’t need to be difficult. But it does need to be done. You deserve to feel sexy. You deserve to feel desired. And you deserve the amazing connection that can come as a result. So book the sitter, make a reservation and tell him it’s on. And then do it again. And again. xo
PS – If you need some new lingerie or bedroom enhancements for your next date night, visit Brooke at the Flirty Girl Boudoir, a private indulgent feminine retreat in nearby Waccabuc N.Y. By appointment only. (917)-846-7807 or [email protected]
Brooke Christian is a the founder of Flirty Girl, an unabashedly honest voice for women about sex and married life and motherhood. Brooke runs Flirty Girl using babysitting hours, her husband’s generosity and as much caffeine as her body can handle. Having formerly run marketing and promotions at InStyle, Harper’s Bazaar and O, The Oprah Magazine, Brooke now leverages her former role as an influencer to not only change women’s sex lives but to change women themselves. She is the ultimate Flirty Girl – sexy, confident, feminine, flawed and most of all, real. Follow Flirty Girl on social media for more ideas, inspiration and commiseration: Blog, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube.