The Play Space’s Advice on Meeting New/Unfamiliar Relatives or Family Friends Over the Holidays

The Holidays are a joyous time of tradition and family, however, they also come with a whole host of extra social demands which can include visiting new and unfamiliar places and relatives or family friends. For children who already need support navigating the social scene, this can be particularly challenging. Below are some strategies to maximize your child’s social success, reduce stress, and make them as comfortable as possible while navigating the sometimes-unfamiliar social waters of the Holiday Season.

Planning Ahead 

Prepare your child in advance of meeting/visiting unfamiliar family or family friends. Let your child know what to expect and get them excited about the visit. Perhaps you can set up a pre-visit if close by, so your child can get familiar with the place and people outside of the party, bustle, and noise. Setting the expectations ahead of time will help to acclimate them to the idea of the visit and get more of their buy-in the day of.

Discuss the expectations using simple language. Make sure to match the language abilities of your child to help them better understand what to expect. If needed, you can also use pictures to show them. For example, if you want to prepare your child for transitions from play to dinner you can create a visual schedule to assist.

Tie behavior to a chart/system to provide feedback and enhance motivation. Long social gatherings can be taxing on your child. You can boost their motivation and reinforce positive behaviors by tying them back to a behavior feedback system. You can provide fun stickers at every check-in that meets the criteria. Decide on an interval ahead of time and align the check-ins with how long your child is typically successful in independent play. The stickers can be rewarding by themselves, but if needed they can be redeemable for something else (a special outing with a parent, a small toy, etc.).

Bring a tablet or electronic device as a backup/reinforcer. Add new games and download a few of their favorite shows. You can use this as a social break for your child and provide it as a reinforcement for ‘x’ amount of successful check-ins.

Build in breaks and identify a break space. Connect with the family or family friends you plan on visiting and ask them for help in identifying a space your child can go to, away from the bustle and noise if they need a break. Review this space with your child ahead of time. Bring break items with you and if you notice that your child is experiencing anxiety or social fatigue, offer to take a break with them.

Prepare For a Setback 

 Little ones will get tired and overwhelmed. There is a chance that even if you do all these things, you will encounter a tantrum or meltdown. Be ready for it! This is where the strategy of giving yourself plenty of time comes in handy. Pull your little one to the side away from a crowd if possible and remain calm. Make observational statements about their feelings. Empathize with them to let them know it can be hard when X happens. Label their stressor in that statement (waiting, hearing no, etc.) Calmly let them know you are there to help when they are ready and that you can work together to solve the problem. Give hugs, kisses, and or honor their requested space. When you notice things are settling down, you can re-engage. Give your child lots of praise for regulating their emotions. You will want to reinforce all the things you want to see your child do and say in the future by celebrating them when they occur.

Wherever your holiday adventures take you, remember to prepare, give yourself and your child grace, and reduce your stressors to the greatest degree possible. This will allow you to keep your child engaged and for you to be responsive to their needs maximizing social success! Happy Holidays.

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